Youtbue 1 Transcript

00:00

So ever find yourself mentally wrestling with situations you simply can’t control?
00:04

Mhmm.
00:04

Or maybe spending like way too much headspace on choices other people are making?
00:09

Yeah.
00:09

That sounds familiar for a lot of people I think.
00:11

Right.
00:13

Well, today, we’re diving deep into a concept that promises to hand back some of that mental real estate.
00:20

It’s the let them theory as Mel Robbins discussed it on the Jay Shetty podcast.
00:24

And what’s really interesting about this theory, I find, is its fundamental practicality.
00:29

It really cuts right to the core of where we put our mental energy.
00:32

Okay.
00:33

Highlighting that difference between what we can actually influence and, well, what’s frankly beyond our grasp.
00:39

And just recognizing that difference.
00:41

That alone can be incredibly freeing, can’t it?
00:43

A real antidote to unnecessary stress.
00:46

Absolutely.
00:47

It’s huge.
00:47

Exactly.
00:48

So we spent some time looking at a transcript from their YouTube conversation where Mel really lays out the details.
00:55

He does.
00:55

Yes.
00:55

And our goal today isn’t just to understand the Let Them Theory on a surface level.
00:59

We want to explore its real world applications, how it can genuinely lead to more peace, maybe a stronger sense of personal control in your day to day life.
01:09

Right.
01:09

Actionable stuff.
01:10

Exactly.
01:10

We’re aiming for insights you can actually use starting now.
01:13

So, to kick things off, what’s the central idea behind this let them theory?
01:19

Well, at its heart, the theory operates on this kind of two part principle, let them and let me.
01:24

Okay.
01:25

Let them and let me.
01:26

Yeah.
01:26

The let them part is really about acknowledging and importantly accepting the boundaries of your control.
01:31

So other people’s thoughts, feelings.
01:34

Exactly.
01:34

Their thoughts, their feelings, their behaviors, even, you know, external circumstances.
01:39

It’s recognizing where your direct influence just stops.
01:42

And it it feels like it’s in that struggle against the uncontrollable that so much of our anxiety and frustration brews up.
01:49

Right?
01:49

That constant mental friction.
01:51

Precisely.
01:52

That’s a great way to put it.
01:54

When we get fixated on trying to manage things that are inherently outside our direct sphere of influence, that’s just a natural recipe for stress, anxiety, and I mean, ultimately exhaustion.
02:04

Yeah.
02:04

So the let them is about intentionally consciously releasing that struggle.
02:10

Now I can imagine some listeners might hear let them and think, so I just become passive, a doormat.
02:16

Mhmm.
02:16

But that’s not the intention at all, is it?
02:18

Not at all.
02:19

In fact, as Robbins points out, let them is often the opposite of being passive.
02:23

It’s actually a really active choice.
02:25

Okay.
02:26

A choice to detach and sort of rise above a situation that you can’t directly change.
02:30

She even mentions there can be this sense of detachment, almost a feeling of well, maybe superiority isn’t the right word.
02:38

But Like, I see this, but I’m not letting it pull me down.
02:41

Exactly.
02:41

You’re consciously choosing not to be dragged down by these external factors.
02:46

It’s like drawing a line in the sand for your own mental well-being.
02:48

Saying, okay, this is happening over there, and I’m choosing how I respond Precisely.
02:52

You’re establishing a boundary.
02:54

And, that leads us very naturally to the second part, is just as important.
02:57

Let me Right.
02:58

What does that involve?
02:59

So this is where we pivot back to ourselves.
03:01

Right?
03:02

To what we do have a say in.
03:04

It’s about taking ownership of our own responses.
03:06

Yes.
03:07

Precisely.
03:07

Let me is the conscious act of focusing your energy on the three things that actually remain within your control, pretty much regardless of external circumstances.
03:16

Gotcha.
03:17

Your thoughts, your actions, or importantly, your deliberate inaction and how you process your emotions.
03:24

Okay.
03:24

So while we can’t make someone else think or behave a certain way Nope.
03:29

We absolutely have agency over how we interpret their behavior, our choice of reaction or non reaction Uh-huh.
03:35

And how we let their actions impact our emotional state.
03:39

That’s the core of it.
03:41

Let me is all about taking responsibility for your internal world and your outward responses.
03:46

You stop feeling like a helpless bystander just swept along by external events.
03:49

Yeah.
03:50

It’s about recognizing your inherent power to choose your response.
03:53

I mean, that’s the very definition of responsibility, isn’t it?
03:56

It really is.
03:56

Okay.
03:56

So the let them and the let me seem clear enough as concepts, but it does raise a fundamental question.
04:02

Mhmm.
04:03

If it’s so obvious, maybe, that our direct control is limited to ourselves, why do we invest so much mental energy trying to micromanage everything and everyone else?
04:13

Ah, well that taps into a very deep, very primal human drive, the need for control.
04:19

Okay.
04:20

It’s fundamentally about feeling safe and secure.
04:23

As Robins discusses, we’re essentially wired to seek a sense of predictability, a sense of influence over our thoughts, our decisions, our environment, our perceived future.
04:33

Yeah.
04:33

That makes sense.
04:34

Control equals predictability equals safety, kind of.
04:37

Exactly.
04:38

Think about the anxiety that uncertainty brings, our need for control is often a way to try and dial that feeling down.
04:45

Right.
04:45

But, and here’s the tricky part, this need for control often extends outward.
04:49

When someone else’s actions or choices trigger feelings in us, annoyance, irritation, worry, it can activate that underlying sense of unease.
04:57

Okay.
04:57

And our instinct instinct then often is to try and control their behavior to try and get our own sense of balance back.
05:03

So when I find myself, say, constantly nudging a colleague about a deadline Mhmm.
05:09

Maybe it’s less about the deadline itself and more about my own anxiety around potential delays or feeling like I’m not in control of the project timeline.
05:16

That’s a very insightful way to look at it.
05:18

Yeah.
05:19

And the paradox, Robbins highlights really well, is that the moment we try to exert control over another person, it frequently just backfires.
05:28

Right.
05:29

Because they have their own need for control.
05:30

Exactly.
05:31

It clashes with their own need for autonomy, their own control, and it just leads to resistance, conflict.
05:37

It becomes this tug of war and nobody wins.
05:40

Everyone ends up feeling more stressed.
05:41

Precisely.
05:43

And this tendency, this focus on what we can’t control also helps explain why we can be so easily distracted sometimes.
05:50

How so?
05:50

Well, think about it.
05:52

If you’re constantly mentally juggling things you can’t influence, you’re using up a tremendous amount of mental bandwidth.
05:59

Okay.
05:59

Yeah.
05:59

Which leaves you much more susceptible to being sidetracked by things that, you know, in the grand scheme of things aren’t actually that important to you.
06:06

Like getting lost, scrolling through endless news cycles, or getting pulled into social media debates when our actual priorities are sitting right there waiting for us.
06:14

Exactly.
06:14

Yeah.
06:15

It’s almost like a way to avoid facing the discomfort in those areas where we feel that lack of control.
06:21

Interesting.
06:22

So focusing on the uncontrollable becomes this drain on your energy, making you more vulnerable to those fleeting, often pre meaningless distractions.
06:31

And this constant state of sort of low level worry and mental effort, it really adds up, doesn’t it?
06:38

Oh, absolutely.
06:39

It’s exhausting just thinking about it.
06:41

Robbins uses this really effective analogy.
06:43

She says, imagine having to pay a dollar, like actual money, for every single thought you have about someone else or their actions.
06:51

Wow.
06:52

Okay.
06:52

That puts it into perspective.
06:54

It really brings home just how much energy, time, and, you know, mental currency we just fritter away on things we simply cannot change.
07:02

It makes that invisible energy drain feel really tangible.
07:06

It does.
07:06

And it’s not just the big issues.
07:08

It’s the cumulative effect of all those small daily irritations.
07:11

Like being stuck in that incredibly slow checkout line at the grocery store.
07:14

Oh, the classic.
07:15

Yes.
07:15

We’ve all been there.
07:16

Each minor annoyance just chips away at our reserves contributing to that overall feeling of being overwhelmed and just depleted.
07:23

Okay.
07:24

So the infamous slow grocery store line.
07:27

Perfect example.
07:29

How does the let them theory offer a way through that specific everyday frustration?
07:34

Right.
07:35

This is a perfect, really relatable scenario to illustrate let them and let me in action.
07:41

So as that familiar wave of stress and impatience starts to rise, Yeah.
07:45

You know, the feeling, the line isn’t moving, the cashier seems to be operating in slow motion Yeah.
07:50

The first step is to mentally just say, let them.
07:54

Accept the reality of the situation in that moment.
07:56

You don’t have a magic wand to speed things up.
07:58

It’s about acknowledging what’s happening without getting totally emotionally tangled up in the frustration of it.
08:03

Precisely.
08:04

You consciously detach from that immediate annoyance.
08:06

Yeah.
08:06

Then comes the let me part.
08:08

Okay.
08:09

You have a choice in how you respond, both internally and externally.
08:12

You could let your agitation build, start grumbling, maybe even glare at the cashier.
08:16

We’ve all seen that happen.
08:18

Or maybe We’ve done it.
08:19

You could consciously choose a different response.
08:21

Like maybe using that unexpected pause in your day Mhmm.
08:24

For something constructive.
08:26

Exactly.
08:26

Robin suggests using that downtime to your advantage.
08:29

Maybe you can mentally run through your next task, maybe practice a few moments of mindfulness, maybe quickly call a friend you’ve been meaning to connect with.
08:36

Or just take a few deep breaths.
08:38

Or simply take a few deep breaths.
08:40

You reclaim your agency by choosing how you want to utilize that time and energy instead of just letting the frustrating situation dictate your emotional state.
08:48

It’s about recognizing that even in those seemingly powerless situations, we still hold the reins on our inner experience and our immediate actions.
08:58

Okay.
08:58

Let’s shift gears a bit into the realm of relationships.
09:03

Because that’s often where our desire to control others feels, I don’t know, most intense.
09:09

How does the let them theory apply when we find ourselves really wanting to change our partners, our family members, or friends?
09:15

Yeah.
09:15

This is a really crucial area, and Robbins is very direct about this.
09:18

She basically says, you cannot fundamentally change another person.
09:23

Oof.
09:24

That’s blunt.
09:25

It is.
09:26

But it’s important.
09:27

Genuine change comes from within.
09:29

People evolve when they have their own internal motivation and frankly, the capacity for that change.
09:35

Right.
09:35

Your desire for someone to be different, while totally understandable, it doesn’t magically alter their core being or their choices.
09:44

It’s like trying to push a rope, isn’t it?
09:46

The harder you push, the more resistance you often get back.
09:49

Precisely.
09:50

And when we attempt to control others in our relationships, it frequently just breeds resentment and tension.
09:56

Think about a common scenario, like the unwashed dishes in the sink.
10:01

Okay.
10:01

You’ve asked your partner repeatedly maybe, yet the sink remains full.
10:05

How can let them and let me be applied there?
10:07

Right.
10:07

So initially let them involves acknowledging the reality.
10:11

Yeah.
10:11

Okay.
10:11

Right now the dishes are in the sink.
10:13

Right.
10:13

Detach from the immediate frustration, any judgmental thoughts.
10:16

Correct.
10:16

You recognize the situation without letting it completely hijack your emotional state.
10:21

Then let me comes into play.
10:23

Right.
10:23

Taking ownership of the response.
10:25

This is where you decide how to react.
10:27

If it genuinely bothers you, you can choose to have a calm, open conversation about your needs and the impact their actions are having on you.
10:35

Okay.
10:36

As Robin shares from her own experiences, sometimes clearly and respectfully communicating how something makes you feel can actually tap into a partner’s own desire to maybe develop new habits or change their behavior.
10:48

Information.
10:48

So it’s about expressing your needs directly Mhmm.
10:51

Respectfully, giving the other person a chance to understand your perspective and maybe adjust.
10:55

Exactly.
10:56

But what happens if you’ve done that?
10:58

You’ve clearly articulated your needs and the behavior just persists.
11:03

Yeah.
11:03

What then?
11:04

This is where another vital aspect of let them comes in.
11:07

It also means accepting who they are and what their priorities might be even if they differ from yours.
11:12

Mhmm.
11:12

As Robbins wisely puts it, let them also show you who they are.
11:16

Avoid persistently trying to mold them into the person you wish they were.
11:19

That’s a really powerful shift in perspective, actually.
11:22

Instead of constantly battling against reality Mhmm.
11:25

You’re observing it and then making informed decisions based on what you’re actually seeing.
11:29

Precisely.
11:30

And importantly, even when you practice let them, it doesn’t mean you completely surrender your own needs or boundaries.
11:36

Right.
11:36

You still retain the power to decide how much of your time and your emotional energy you’re willing to invest in that particular situation or even that individual.
11:45

You get to define what’s acceptable for you.
11:48

It’s about prioritizing your own well-being.
11:50

Yeah.
11:51

And not just pouring precious resources into trying to alter something that might be fundamentally resistant to change.
11:57

Exactly.
11:57

And Robbins also touches upon how often we overvalue the opinions of others.
12:02

That’s another huge energy grain.
12:04

Oh, yeah.
12:05

How so?
12:05

Think about the mental gymnastics involved in crafting, say, a social media post.
12:11

What will people think?
12:12

Will I be judged?
12:13

Uh-huh.
12:13

All that energy is directed something largely beyond your control other people’s perceptions.
12:18

She even calls all those drafted but never posted social media updates a graveyard of energy.
12:23

Oh, I can definitely relate to that.
12:24

The endless second guessing, the internal debate.
12:27

Right.
12:27

And the antidote she suggests.
12:29

Let them think negative thoughts.
12:31

Wow.
12:32

When you can genuinely accept the possibility that some people might not approve of what you do or say, it can be incredibly liberating.
12:39

It frees you up to be more authentic.
12:41

It connects to that whole social comparison thing, doesn’t it?
12:44

Always measuring ourselves against others.
12:45

It does.
12:46

By letting go of that need for constant positive external validation, you lessen the power of those comparisons.
12:54

It lets you be more genuine, express yourself without constantly looking over your shoulder for approval.
12:59

Exactly.
13:00

The key, she argues, is to act in a way that aligns with your own values, that makes you feel a sense of integrity and pride.
13:07

Anchor your self worth internally, not on the fluctuating unpredictable opinions of others.
13:12

Yeah.
13:12

And honestly, the reality is people are generally far more preoccupied with their own lives and concerns than they are with scrutinizing your every move.
13:20

That’s actually a really reassuring thought.
13:22

Okay.
13:22

Now, what about those particularly challenging individuals in our lives?
13:26

Yeah.
13:27

You know, difficult family members, maybe less than pleasant colleagues.
13:31

How can the let them theory help us navigate those interactions?
13:35

Oh, this theory can be truly transformative in those dynamics.
13:39

We often allow individuals who exhibit challenging behaviors.
13:42

You mentioned maybe narcissism, a tendency towards drama, constant negativity.
13:48

We let them exert a disproportionate influence on our emotional energy.
13:52

Yeah.
13:52

You brace yourself before seeing them.
13:54

You walk on eggshells.
13:55

You do.
13:55

You carefully manage your responses, and you often end up feeling emotionally depleted afterwards.
14:00

It’s like they become the sun everyone else orbits around emotionally.
14:03

Right.
14:03

But the let them theory encourages us to redirect that focus.
14:07

Let them be who they are.
14:08

Why make it your job to manage their emotional states or get entangled in their conflicts?
14:13

Instead, the focus shifts.
14:15

Let me manage my own energy and my own boundaries.
14:18

Remind yourself you have the power to step back from draining interactions.
14:22

Well, that could mean disengaging from a toxic conversation, setting clear time limits at a stressful family gathering, or even in some cases reevaluating the nature itself.
14:33

It’s about establishing those clear boundaries, safeguarding your own mental and emotional space.
14:38

Absolutely.
14:39

And as Robyn’s emphasizes, often the person who maintains their inner peace, who stays centered and controls their own responses, actually holds more inherent power within any system than the most challenging individual who’s constantly reacting.
14:53

That makes complete sense.
14:54

When you’re not reactive, you’re not feeding into it.
14:56

You’re not giving them the power to dictate your emotional state.
14:59

Okay, let’s tackle a particularly sensitive application.
15:04

The end of romantic relationships, breakups.
15:07

How can let them help during that?
15:10

Yeah, breakups are undeniably painful and this theory provides a really valuable framework I think for navigating that difficult time.
15:17

The first step, maybe the hardest, is let them walk out the door.
15:20

Meaning, accept that the relationship has ended.
15:22

Actively resist that powerful urge to cling to the past or fixate on what might have been.
15:27

That sounds incredibly difficult in practice, though, especially when you’re deep in heartbreak.
15:33

It is profoundly challenging, which is why Robin strongly advocates for what she calls the thirty day rule.
15:39

Thirty day rule.
15:40

Yeah.
15:40

Absolute zero contact for thirty days.
15:43

No calls.
15:43

No texts.
15:44

No checking their social media, no looking at old photos or videos.
15:48

Wow.
15:48

Cold turkey.
15:49

Pretty much.
15:50

This period of separation is crucial for starting to detach from those ingrained patterns of your life with that person.
15:58

It helps avoid the constant triggers that can really hinder the healing process.
16:02

Think of it like an emotional and mental detox.
16:05

Creating both physical and mental distance to let that healing actually begin.
16:09

And there’s research that supports this kind of approach.
16:12

The data suggests that a significant majority, I think she quoted seventy one percent, of people report feeling better after about eleven weeks if they consistently avoid that cyberstalking, that constant checking.
16:22

Right.
16:22

It just takes time for those established neural pathways to weaken and for new patterns to start forming.
16:28

Eleven weeks.
16:29

Okay.
16:30

Having some kind of timeline, even a rough one, can offer a bit of hope and direction during a really tough time.
16:36

It can.
16:37

And to further empower that healing process, Robbins offers this powerful reframe.
16:42

Imagine, just imagine that the next significant relationship in your life, maybe even the love of your life, is just around the corner.
16:49

Okay.
16:49

How would you want to be spending this present time?
16:52

Would you want to be stuck in the past constantly reliving what’s ended or would you want to be, you know, open and emotionally available for something new and positive?
17:01

That’s a really insightful way to re envision that post breakup period, not just as loss, but as preparation maybe, readiness for what’s next.
17:10

It is.
17:11

And look, it’s vital to acknowledge the genuine pain of heartbreak.
17:14

Sometimes well meaning but unhelpful advice like just love yourself more can feel really dismissive of that pain.
17:20

Yeah.
17:20

Can feel empty.
17:21

Right.
17:21

Instead, the focus should be on allowing yourself to grieve that loss, properly grieve it, and then gradually beginning the process of moving forward.
17:30

Remember, the end of a relationship often reveals important aspects of the other person’s character, their priorities, accepting that reality.
17:38

Instead of clinging to a fantasy version.
17:39

Exactly.
17:40

Accepting that reality is a key application of left them.
17:44

Let them show you who they are even in the ending.
17:47

It’s about confronting the truth of the situation, however painful, because that’s what actually facilitates healing.
17:53

Now what about those times when people aren’t entirely truthful?
17:57

Honesty in relationships, how does the theory relate there?
18:00

It’s interesting because even dishonesty, as Robins points out, can paradoxically serve as a form someone revealing their truth.
18:07

How do you mean?
18:08

Well, their actions, or in this case their lack of honesty, can indicate their level of consideration, their priorities within that relationship, maybe their own struggles.
18:16

It’s information even if it’s painful information.
18:19

So rather than getting totally caught up in the specifics of the lie maybe, we can view it as data, a reflection of their character or what they’re capable of in that dynamic.
18:28

Exactly.
18:29

And this also prompts some important self reflection.
18:32

You know, are being honest with yourself about the situation, about your own needs?
18:37

Sometimes we avoid acknowledging uncomfortable truths ourselves.
18:40

Right.
18:40

It’s a two way street.
18:41

Practicing honesty with ourselves while also acknowledging the truth others reveal.
18:46

Even through dishonesty.
18:47

Yeah.
18:48

Okay.
18:48

Shifting gears slightly.
18:49

How does let them aggress our reactions to other people’s successes?
18:54

That social comparison thing again.
18:56

Yeah.
18:57

This is a really important area for a mindset shift.
18:59

Robbins really challenges the idea of scarcity.
19:02

This belief that one person’s success somehow diminishes the potential for your own.
19:07

Like there’s only so much success to go around.
19:09

Right.
19:10

She emphasizes that positive outcomes, happiness, achievement, success are essentially limitless.
19:16

There isn’t a fixed pie.
19:18

This directly counters that psychological tendency towards upward social comparison where we compare ourselves to those we perceive as better off, which often leads to feeling inadequate.
19:28

So it’s not a zero sum game.
19:31

Their win isn’t automatically my loss.
19:33

Precisely.
19:34

Instead of viewing the accomplishments of others as threats or obstacles or sources of envy, we can consciously choose to see them differently.
19:42

Oh.
19:43

See them as examples, as a source of motivation even.
19:45

Let them be successful.
19:47

They are demonstrating what’s possible.
19:49

They might even be inadvertently showing you pathways or strategies you could explore yourself.
19:53

It’s about reframing our perspective from one of, like, competition to one of inspiration and learning.
20:00

That’s powerful.
20:01

Okay, let’s talk about something many adults navigate.
20:04

The evolution of friendships.
20:05

Maintaining close connections can feel harder as we get older.
20:09

How does the theory apply here?
20:10

Oh, definitely.
20:11

The nature of friendships really undergoes a transformation as we move through adulthood, doesn’t it?
20:15

Yeah, it feels different.
20:16

Robbins describes the shift really well.
20:19

She talks about it moving from a more collective experience like a group sport in childhood and adolescence, where shared environments, school, activities naturally foster connections.
20:28

Right.
20:28

Everyone’s kind of the same boat.
20:29

Exactly.
20:30

To more of an individualistic endeavor in our twenties and beyond, the great scattering, she calls it, happens as people pursue different paths, careers, families, life goals, often leading to geographical distance.
20:44

So you can no longer rely just on being in the same place or doing the same things to keep those bonds strong.
20:49

Exactly.
20:50

And this is where that interplay of let them and let me becomes really vital for friendships.
20:54

You need to sort of let people come and go in your life.
20:57

Understanding that friends hips sometimes naturally evolve or fade, and it’s not necessarily a personal failing on anyone’s part.
21:05

This often ties into those three pillars of adult friendship identified in research, proximity, timing, and energy.
21:12

Proximity, timing, energy.
21:14

Okay.
21:14

When one or more of those shifts, significantly someone moves away, life gets incredibly busy.
21:20

Energy levels change, the dynamic of a friendship can change too, and that’s often okay.
21:24

So let them drift if the circumstances dictate it without taking it personally.
21:30

Right.
21:30

And then crucially, you need to let me take the actions to cultivate the friendships you do desire.
21:37

It requires much more proactive approach.
21:39

You have to reach out, make plans, make the connection happen.
21:42

It demands conscious effort, doesn’t it?
21:44

You can’t just expect friendships to coast along like they might have when you were younger.
21:48

Robbins really emphasizes taking responsibility for nurturing the connections you value.
21:53

She even encourages reaching out to past friends you’ve lost touch with.
21:57

Chances are, many likely still hold you in positive regard even if regular contact has lapsed.
22:03

Yeah.
22:03

That’s probably true.
22:04

Ultimately, it’s about recognizing that cultivating friendship in adulthood is an active process.
22:09

It’s on you.
22:10

Let me create the connection I want.
22:11

Be proactive, understand the changing dynamics, try not to internalize the natural ebb and flow.
22:18

Got it.
22:20

Okay.
22:20

Finally, let’s discuss a particularly delicate area.
22:24

Supporting loved ones who are struggling but without enabling them.
22:27

It’s so hard to watch someone you care about face difficulties, how can let them guide us here?
22:33

Yeah, this is where that delicate balance between let them and let me is perhaps most critical and maybe most challenging.
22:41

Our natural instinct is to want to fix it.
22:43

Right?
22:43

To alleviate the suffering of people we love.
22:46

Absolutely.
22:46

Jump in and help.
22:47

But sometimes our attempts to help, however well intentioned, can inadvertently hinder their own process of growth and healing.
22:54

The let them theory encourages us to support their journey, yes, but without stepping in and doing the work that is ultimately theirs to do.
23:01

It’s about offering support, not taking over their responsibilities.
23:04

Exactly.
23:05

Robbins shares a key insight here.
23:07

Individuals generally do well when they can do well.
23:10

If someone is consistently struggling it often signals that something is missing.
23:14

Maybe necessary skills, maybe unresolved emotional issues, maybe they just need to process their experiences in their own way on their own timeline.
23:24

And trying to shield them from those challenges can actually stop them from developing their own coping mechanisms, their own resilience.
23:31

Precisely.
23:31

It’s like that proverb.
23:32

Right?
23:33

Yeah.
23:33

Give a person a fish.
23:34

You feed them for a day.
23:35

Teach them to fish.
23:36

You feed them for a lifetime.
23:38

Our help should aim for the teaching them to fish part.
23:42

Okay.
23:42

So when supporting someone, the focus should be on creating a supportive, encouraging environment that facilitates their own healing and growth.
23:50

Offer practical assistance where it’s genuinely helpful, be a positive influence, but resist that strong urge to jump in and fix things for them.
23:57

So instead of maybe offering tons of unsolicited advice or trying to dictate their actions, we can provide tangible support like bringing over a meal, helping with childcare, and just create a safe space for them to navigate their challenges themselves.
24:11

Exactly.
24:11

And Robbins introduces a really useful ABC framework for offering support in these situations.
24:17

ABC.
24:18

Yeah.
24:18

A is for apologize.
24:21

Apologize for any pressure you might be inadvertently putting on them.
24:24

Sometimes our concern comes across pressure.
24:26

Okay.
24:27

A for apologize.
24:28

B is for ask.
24:30

Ask open ended questions to truly understand their perspective.
24:33

Things like, how do you feel about that or what would you like to do about it?
24:37

Not leading questions.
24:38

Right.
24:38

B for ask.
24:39

And c is for back off.
24:42

Step back and allow their own intrinsic motivation, their own solutions to emerge.
24:47

Give them space.
24:48

Apologize, ask, and back off.
24:50

That sounds like a really respectful and empowering approach, actually.
24:53

It is.
24:54

And importantly, she adds, celebrate even the small steps of progress they make and also strive to model positive change in your own life.
25:01

It’s hard to encourage change in others if we’re not open to examining our own stuff.
25:05

Good point.
25:06

Ultimately, in this context, the let them theory is really about trusting in the inherent capacity of the other person for growth and providing them with the space and autonomy they need to navigate their own journey.
25:16

Wow.
25:18

This has been a truly insightful exploration of the Let Them Theory.
25:21

Really practical stuff.
25:23

To kind of bring it all together, what’s the key message you’d want our listeners to really take away from this deep dive?
25:29

I think the fundamental message is that the let them theory offers a really powerful, really practical strategy for reclaiming your mental energy.
25:38

Mhmm.
25:38

It helps you focus on the aspects of life that you can genuinely influence, which boils down to your own thoughts, your actions, and your emotional responses.
25:47

Right.
25:48

By consciously making that distinction, what’s in my control versus what’s not, you can significantly reduce that unnecessary stress, you can foster healthier relationships and really cultivate a greater sense of inner peace and personal agency.
26:01

It’s about consciously releasing that exhausting struggle against the uncontrollable and deliberately redirecting that valuable energy back towards yourself, your own well-being, your own goals.
26:11

Couldn’t have said it better myself.
26:12

So as you move through your day today, maybe consider one specific area of your life where you might have been overly focused on things beyond your control.
26:21

Just one area.
26:23

How might consciously applying these principles to let them and let me create a positive shift for you moving forward?
26:29

And maybe what’s one small concrete action you could take today, like right now, to reclaim some of that maybe wasted energy and intentionally redirect it towards your own priorities and your own well-being?
26:40

That’s something to think about from this deep dive.